The 12 Steps of Paleoholics

I admit it.  I’m a Paleoholic.  I’ve addictions to the drugs my mother took while I was in her womb, the food my parents fed me growing up in Texas, traveling the world as an Air Force Brat, as an Army veteran, and as a radio announcer.

In all those instances, non-Paleo fare was pushed at me, given to me as my only choice.  Mom loved pies, the Air Force loved chipped beef on toast, the ARMY C-Rations, and radio free food and drinks everywhere.  Now…what’s a guy who wants to stick to the Paleo Diet Lifestyle do?  One day I’m making an amazing cabbage, hemp seed, pepper, kalamata olive salad with rice wine vinegar and EVOO, the next day I set my culinary skills on a muffaletta sandwich heated nicely between two slices of knee-deep facoccia.  After a soup and salad, I snag one or two of those green peppermint candies and kid myself it’s for ‘fresh breath’.  Last week, I ate a bowl of ice cream.  Am I a ‘crack baby’…er, ‘sugar baby’?  I think so…

cabbage salad

The Lunch that inspired this post & The 12 Steps of Paleoholics, from A Paleo Recipe A Day

Sounds ‘addictiony’ doesn’t it?  I went to Wikipedia, and specifically that take on Alcoholics Anonymous for a few insights and came across this:  “The emotional obsession is described as the cognitive processes that causes the individual to repeat the compulsive behavior after some period of abstinence, either knowing that the result will be an inability to stop or operating under the delusion that the result will be different. The description in the First Step of the life of the alcoholic or addict as “unmanageable” refers to the lack of choice that the mind of the addict or alcoholic affords concerning whether to drink or use again.”

Holy Jack Wagon!!! Am I addicted to Food!  No, certain food.  Food that isn’t Paleo.  Damn that convenience, sugar high, taste sensation, and lifespans of food the rival the recent discoveries of living 400-year-old moss.

Time to get honest.  While the following may seem sacrilegious to some. mockery to others, and still humor to another group, hang with me…this is stream of conscious connection of the 12 Steps of AA as it relates to the Paleo Lifestyle Design:

  1. We admitted we were powerless over convenience, marketing, and lack of actually reading and ‘understanding’ the label.
  2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves destroys our sanity:  Food Advertising.
  3. Made a decision to turn our perception of Food Advertising into a constant reminder that mind control can be fun & entertaining.
  4. Made a searching and behaviorally moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to Food Advertising, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of this input:  Consumption.
  6. We’re entirely ready to have Food Advertising remove all these deceptions of reality.
  7. Humbly view Food Advertising as non-fiction.  Entertaining like Zombie flicks…
  8. Made a list of all foodstuffs that harmed, and became willing to exclude them all.
  9. Made direct exclusions of foodstuffs in all consumption-related activities (Shopping, Dining, Cooking, et. al)
  10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when tempted, promptly go for a brisk walk.
  11. Sought through media selection and education to improve our conscious contact with whole non-processed Foods
  12. Having a spiritual awakening because of these steps, we tried to carry this message to Paleoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Now, after I review the above, I can see my problem is Step 8.  I’m not yet willing to exclude them all I guess.  Media has a solid hold on Broca’s part of my brain whether it’s those damn pre-rolls on YouTube, that shiny label on a fried pie after pulling 14 hours in front of a computer screen, or that bourbon & coke on the weekend to turn everything down a bit.

These 12 Steps make a lot of sense when you sit back and re-read them a few times.  This battle is in your mind, no question.  Advertising, to a large degree, controls that perception.  I mean, if you give a package of Red Whips licorice a quick glance you’ll see it’s Fat Free!  First thing that tells your 3rd grade level of focus your giving that advertisement is, “Gee!  No Fat!  That MUST be good for me!”  Mind control, if only a little.  Repeated every time you pump gas, fast forward through commercials on your DVR, or snuck in on the side of a bus on the morning commute take their toll on that 2% of body weight that is your brain.  Feed it too my friend.

Advertising is not knowledge, it’s desire.  Are you that easy?  I am.  We all are.  Know it’s out there.  Look past the label…Food Advertising kills.

Tonight I’m going to bundle Steps 8, 9, & 10 and stream Zombieland while sipping tea…

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